Is it OK to Date Your Friend’s Ex?
My boyfriend broke up with me after I found out he had been cheating on me for months. I was fine with the break up and helped to initiate it because I was furious. We were done for about 4 months but during this time I got extremely intoxicated one night and ended up at one of his buddies from high school place and we hooked up. It was not one of his best friends just a buddy, not someone he hangs out with anymore but definitely knows. It was a stupid decision that completely went against my moral judgment. Four months down the road, he begged for my forgiveness and came clean to me about all of his wrong doings but I never told him mine. We have been dating now for over 2 years since the incident but for the past 3 months the guilt has been eating me alive. Do I owe it to him to tell him? I feel sick if he ever brings his name up in casual conversation.
If Your Friend Hooked Up With Your Ex, Here’s What It Really Means & How To Handle It
Economist bec8. Situation has never remotely occurred to me, but is this just pure faux pas? Is there an unwritten time that needs to pass by before it is palatable? Economist 9e
want miss out on not getting to know someone amazing just because you have a sex buddy. You’re free to date anyone you want, too.
Sometimes, people hook up with those in their inner circle. Occasionally, those hookups can lead to dating, breakups, and new pairings within that group. And overlaps between people can happen. If your friend hooks up with your ex , you may have feelings of anger, jealousy, and confusion. That’s OK.
You can feel betrayed by your friend for “going there” with an ex of yours or someone who may have hurt you in the past. Not only do you not want your friend to experience that pain, but also, you may be upset that they didn’t consider your feelings. Simply put, this is a complicated situation to navigate, and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to handle it. I spoke with New York City relationship specialist Gregory Kushnick , and Doctor of Psychology and licensed clinical social worker Danielle Forshee about what to do if your friend hooks up with your ex.
If it’s nagging you and you want to confront your friend, determine what you want to gain from the conversation before going right into it.
Is It Okay to Hookup With a Friend’s Ex?
Here are some examples:. Her tits were so unreal, they were like something out of an anime cartoon. Trust is the backbone of a great friendship or relationship and if you break it, the relationship comes crashing down. It ruined me for years, but I eventually picked myself off the floor and transformed myself into the man I am today.
Let your buddy and her date, why should you care? She is past history as far as you are concerned, and she is free to date whoever she.
But, pursuing these emotions may well not be worth it always. Some buddies could be cool to you dating their ex, but other buddies may feel it really is crossing the line. Check out prospective warning flags to think about if you should be wanting to determine whether or otherwise not dating somebody your friend has dated is a good notion. Plus some could be even worse than the others.
In case the buddy continues to be reeling over their split, it is best to be here for them — perhaps perhaps not move ahead for their ex your self. If they are perhaps not, it might be better to respect their wishes — or danger losing a relationship using them. Therefore if your buddy offers you authorization up to now their ex, be aware and go on it with some grains of sodium.
It could be very difficult to manage your pals maybe not liking your partner — especially in the event that partner is some one they familiar with date. If for example the buddy nevertheless has emotions because of their ex and had told you therefore, that is a red flag that dating this individual is really an idea that is bad. It could be tough to maneuver on from a relationship whenever those emotions continue to exist, and it also might lead to stress if a move is made by you before your buddy has managed to move on.
Tibbals, a intercourse sociologist told Thrillist. In case the buddy and their ex had been together for a period that is long of you might like to reconsider.
Should You Date Your Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend?
But, pursuing these emotions may well not be worth it always. Some buddies could be cool to you dating their ex, but other buddies may feel it is crossing the line. Check out prospective warning flags to think about if you should be wanting to determine whether or perhaps not dating somebody your friend has dated is just a good notion.
If the relationship took place in flames or if perhaps a couple whom undoubtedly liked one another discovered that things simply were not likely to work down, many breakups is tough.
In our series “Adventures in Dating,” one writer documents their love I hadn’t spoken to my ex (let’s call him X) in a couple months and was.
But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock. Woman apologizing after an argument iStock.
Furthermore, Dr. Friends making a toast iStock. Beginning the discussion with your friend might be scary, at first. However, how you ask will make all the difference. According to Fabrega, once you decide to proceed in getting closer to this person, try following these tips when having the conversation with your friend:. Friends having beers iStock. Couples Dancing And Drinking iStock. Of course, seeing your ex with a friend could be hurtful at first. However, remember to keep the bigger picture in mind.
According to Lori D.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
Yes, you may as many people tend to get completely wrapped up in your own feelings and give the middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, but if one of your besties decided to start humping your ex, would you be supportive or forgiving? Thirdly, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life.
They were someone who significantly contributed to shaping the person you are today. Anyone familiar with Friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners.
It all comes down to how your friend feels about it. You were a good friend and kept your feelings to yourself for long enough. It was a mutual breakup with no hard feelings. This is the ideal situation. Go ahead and ask him out. Just ask her. Is your best friend in a happy, committed relationship? Know what that means? You love him more than her. Think carefully about how you feel.
Do you really love him more than you do her? If you date him, you could lose her friendship forever.
As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Follow Us. Skip to content.
There’s a conflict of interest in your new “buddy-buddy” relationship, as you don’t want your ex to start dating again. Here’s the catch: Real.
Thinking about hooking up with them doesn’t make you a bad person, but not until you really, really give it some thought should you even consider turning those thoughts into action. One school of thought says you should close that door forever. Be prepared to let the ex-hookup fantasy fade away in order to maintain the friendship. Otherwise, it could get ugly.
Markie Twist , licensed family therapist and certified sexuality educator. In Cosmopolitan , completely free of prior complication. Twist recommends that you talk to your friend first. Remind them how much you value them and their friendship and do not want to see them hurt. Then let them know you’re interested in their ex and, if it is pursued, ask how it would affect them.
What would the rules, roles, and boundaries look like?